Thursday, June 28, 2012


Strong Willed Children or SWC

I remember it clear the day I was in Drug Town and I wanted a coloring book, it wasn't just a normal coloring book it was one of those with the thin paper between the coloring pages can't remember exactly how those works but I wanted that coloring book, I was 4 years old. My mom said no (how to my angel face :) I have no idea but the answer was no. I proceed to throw a fit in the front of Drug Town on the floor screaming and kicking at 4 years old. I recall the cashier trying to give me a balloon or a sucker or something but I wasn't having that....was that lady crazy??!! That's not what I wanted, I wanted the coloring book!! I didn't get the coloring book that day but I did get a spanking, and I remember clearly my mom talking to my Grandma on the phone shortly after the incident. I wish I could say my Strong Will stopped that day with the spanking but it didn't.

Another Time I recall very clearly was in the 6th grade, Track and Field day. My PE coach told me I was too weak to throw the shot put. I told him I wasn't and I threw the shot put.

In the 9th grade my golf coach told me I would not be playing in the first soccer game of the year the night before state golf tournament, I told him I was and came with the facts from the school handbook of how I could indeed play both sports and I wasn't any more likely going to get hurt playing soccer that night as if I was out riding my bike.

High School graduation Tom Vilsack came to speak as our guest during election year, on the top of my cap said Ganske for Senate.

The list can continue of great stories like that but those are just a few. My years 17-21 were terrible for my strong willed. I'm reading a book on strong willed children (perhaps because I have 1, 2 or maybe 3 the jury is still out on Blakely) and the book describes a lot of what I was feeling as a child especially my older adolecent years. I realize now that I was testing my parents I truly think I was testing to see if your love was unconditional....guess what you passed the test :) I put both my parents through some terrible times and not that I was out addicted to drugs or anything but it still makes me sick to my stomach to think some day my girls could be the same way.....and honestly there is nothing I can do about except pray.
I was very blessed God brought me to my knees in Springfield, MO one day and I knew my life had to change, it didn't all happen at once and I am still growing daily with my relationship with God. But like they say at The Way Church in Newton something along the lines of "We don't care how you got here we care where your headed." I love to say my parents raised me really well, and while I'm pretty sure they were about to give up on me when I was 19 or 20 they didn't and the outcome I like to think is pretty good :)

They didn't spend years trying to break my spirit or my will, they spent years praying. And here I am a few years later finding myself doing the same thing praying, praying hard that my strong willed little girls will not lose their spirit that I will not break their will, that they understand I unconditionally will love them forever and in the end they use their strong wills for the glory of God.

So as I continue to struggle daily with a few of my own SWC, I pray for wisdom, I pray I learn to choose my battles, and to not push them away from God or from Brandon and I. And my biggest prayer is that I don't let what I think others think about our family, and my girls in the midst of craziness, dictate how We parent or discipline, that We choose not to raise pharisees of the law and We choose to raise Girls that understand what God's Grace truly means.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

This is not where I belong!!

All I know is I'm not Home Yet
This is not where I belong Take this world and give me Jesus. 

I really find these words powerful especially during the days I struggle with being a mom during the "little years" and after that I'm going to struggle during the elementary years and so on and so on. We are always in a "stage" of life sometimes we enjoy that stage and other times we don't enjoy it at all. 

Today was a struggle as I sat at swim lessons watching my 3 and 4 year old both in the same class huddle together screaming about having to jump off the diving board and go under water (with life jackets on). The other kids some jump, some dive off with joy, others timidly get up there while the instructor helps them off. My 2 girls sat there screaming while I sat there and watched. I struggled with what to do in this situation, do you "rescue" them do you say its ok you don't have to go this time or do you throw them off the deep end and let them "survive"??!! Maybe the instructors didn't care, maybe the other parents didn't care but you know everyone has a thought of what they would do if they were in that situation, if it was their 2 children. Its easy to think what you would do if it was your kid when its not your kid. Seriously I was the best parent in the world my kids were perfect, good athletes, good students, respected Brandon and I, and were just all around perfect that is until I had children. My kids are not perfect my parenting skills are far from perfect and I struggle daily with it. 

And like the ads tell you daily if you ever listen to life 101.9 I get in the van frustrated, embarrassed, exhausted, and overwhelmed and I hear All I know is I'm not Home yet, This is not where I belong Take this world and give me Jesus........It was exactly what I needed to hear, it gave me a sense of peace, and knowing this is not where we belong and as I listened to Teagan singing it out as she loves this song I ask her.....Teagan where do we belong and she says "in heaven with Jesus" so simple so easy and she didn't even have to pause, oh to have child like faith. 

So as I continue to screw my kids up one day at a time, traumatizing them by throwing them in the deep end, I pray that through the Grace of God that when we end up where we belong my children are right there with me worshiping God. 

Also nothing like a day like today where I'm put back in my place, I admit I still see kids scream in the store, yell at their parents, cry when their parents leave, all those things that kids do........and I think to myself well why don't they just do this or that?? Well sometimes unless its our kid our situation we don't know what we would do, and its not our place to judge.