All I know is I'm not Home Yet
This is not where I belong Take this world and give me Jesus.
I really find these words powerful especially during the days I struggle with being a mom during the "little years" and after that I'm going to struggle during the elementary years and so on and so on. We are always in a "stage" of life sometimes we enjoy that stage and other times we don't enjoy it at all.
Today was a struggle as I sat at swim lessons watching my 3 and 4 year old both in the same class huddle together screaming about having to jump off the diving board and go under water (with life jackets on). The other kids some jump, some dive off with joy, others timidly get up there while the instructor helps them off. My 2 girls sat there screaming while I sat there and watched. I struggled with what to do in this situation, do you "rescue" them do you say its ok you don't have to go this time or do you throw them off the deep end and let them "survive"??!! Maybe the instructors didn't care, maybe the other parents didn't care but you know everyone has a thought of what they would do if they were in that situation, if it was their 2 children. Its easy to think what you would do if it was your kid when its not your kid. Seriously I was the best parent in the world my kids were perfect, good athletes, good students, respected Brandon and I, and were just all around perfect that is until I had children. My kids are not perfect my parenting skills are far from perfect and I struggle daily with it.
And like the ads tell you daily if you ever listen to life 101.9 I get in the van frustrated, embarrassed, exhausted, and overwhelmed and I hear All I know is I'm not Home yet, This is not where I belong Take this world and give me Jesus........It was exactly what I needed to hear, it gave me a sense of peace, and knowing this is not where we belong and as I listened to Teagan singing it out as she loves this song I ask her.....Teagan where do we belong and she says "in heaven with Jesus" so simple so easy and she didn't even have to pause, oh to have child like faith.
So as I continue to screw my kids up one day at a time, traumatizing them by throwing them in the deep end, I pray that through the Grace of God that when we end up where we belong my children are right there with me worshiping God.
Also nothing like a day like today where I'm put back in my place, I admit I still see kids scream in the store, yell at their parents, cry when their parents leave, all those things that kids do........and I think to myself well why don't they just do this or that?? Well sometimes unless its our kid our situation we don't know what we would do, and its not our place to judge.